Monday, February 28, 2011

Three Months

I am guilty of over-stretching this hope of getting employed in the Rogue. I guess it's true, it's half timing and the other half's luck. 

Three months, the remaining time I have to keep it going. And as my time becomes shorter and shorter, so are my options and so are my chances. 

Reasons to rationalize are now thriving in my mind. This note serves the purpose of launching my thoughts in the most convenient way, while I still have the courage to keep my peace, since it is not a good idea at all to blame someone for this fate, which is really "unfortunate" for now. 

This pushes me to think beyond what is expected, which obviously should be the case. But I must admit the previous months were totally caged in all sorts of positive thinking, even if it meant to think beyond the possibility. Others may say, imagination. 

Yes, I am guilty of over-stretching this hope of getting employed in the Rogue to a point of "imagining" the ideals of an American dream. 

The everyday scene is controlling my mind. I am trying but I have no chance to control it otherwise, due to material and "systemic" restrictions imposed by the Rogue. Today, I am not thinking the way I was thinking nine months ago. And I am conscious about it. An enduring internal struggle. 

Again, I cannot blame anyone for not having a job in this place. There is no point in doing that after all. As of now, I still choose to see the remaining quarters of hope. Three months is a sensational period. It's getting tougher, tougher and tougher. 

And after this invisible sand time passes, where shall I go? 
A definite answer, I am going back.

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