He'd like to think though, that what's happening now is more acceptable than what he had in that 'lair of nothingness.' He once prayed for this, and he's back.
At first, he thought everything will automatically switch back to its original state--his boat in a smooth sail.
Few months going a year, the struggle now has been too ironic to handle; and has germinated seeds of confusion over and over again. He knows this is abnormal.
The metaphor lives like an eagle, once suppressed and freed, now looks for chances to go back. He is rationalizing things by saying it's human nature to be dissatisfied with everything one does.
But this one's a totally strange feeling of irony. The young man doesn't miss the purple mountain tops, the winter chills, nor the breeze of the Western wind, as these are nothing compared to his country's splendor.
He neither begs for those just-a-click household machines, compared to manual labors in his hometown, nor the extravagance of structures and arts, as all these do not necessarily equate to "convenience." There is no free lunch, and everything there has price tags.
Could it be that he doesn't know what he misses, but nevertheless he wants to go back?
To go back--bolder, stronger, and braver--and sustain his life there for a relatively long period of time? He cannot talk about forever, as no one can.
The young man feels that once he'll be given Aladdin's magical carpet, he'll be more courageous and more knowledgeable on everything, to a point he can settle there for good. Is it too much to mention that he feels more deserving than those people, who manage to survive the lengthy bureaucratic way 'to be accepted' there?
And, with these good things going on with him, why this feeling now?
He could not assess why he wants to be back in that same space of nothingness, this time minus the pain and internal sufferings.
He realized how life was, back in that rogue state. The kind of life he's talking about cannot be described, more so,cannot be judged by someone who has not been there.
He's thinking: was it the middle-class, comfortable way of living? Probably, yes but he believes that this reason is too shallow to be an option. Bourgeois thinking hunts him. Worst, he is conscious that he's betraying the sphere of ideas he chose to embrace.
Life has become different when he stepped out of that 'humbling ground.' Tempting is elementary. Playful is lax. Challenging is an understatement.
He knows his struggles are surely non-sense compared to the 'underprivileged,' yet he still wants to pursue a dream, that seemed to be away from what he learned as the 'right' way.
Before he joins the many for a fight with a greater cause, he'd like to deliberate and finish a fight between him and his self, and that the verdict shall be heard soon.
He prays though, that what he feels now is just due to the usual tinge of dissatisfaction, and not because of him wanting to seek revenge.
