The Flawed Hero

Good Evening! It's Wednesday, 20th of February,2008. The Headlines...

• Palace: ‘Crying boy’ Lozada ‘playacting’
• Amparo for Lozada unnecessary--gov’t lawyer
• Arroyo center of Neri ‘ecosystem of corruption’--Lozada
• ‘I don’t remember saying that’--Neri
• Cayetano: Lozada will always be under threat

The recent news have come this far.
The feathers of both the administration and the opposition are both seeking for someone's catch. The issue has now become a massive call to action.

It is with no doubt that the current regime of Arroyo has surpassed arrays of side-to-side kicks from its opponents. It has proclaimed itself, a winner for the many destabilization plots. And has assumed great responsibilities toward the present economic standing of the Philippines, particularly the continuous supremacy of peso over foreign currencies. At the same time, disguised development still flourishes in the mainstream. And over time, rally points to launch greater actions calling for Arroyo's resignation has been the usual bout of different political groups.

But with the recent NBN-ZTE Deal, Arroyo administration fails to show the stability of the government, contrary to their prime declarations regarding the Philippines' current state of affairs. Recently, Arroyo with her cohorts (cabinet members) did the so-called "walk of confidence" to show retained blocking of the posts and to make people believe that we are still in our comfort zone.

With the allegations made by Joey de Venecia III, with the interference of many civil-society groups which tender supports, Arroyo administration tends to flip the views to other orientations hoping for a safer place, and looking for a great loophole to cleanse the name of the Palace -- to escape the betrayal they made. A due recognition must be given to the media, as it continues to unfold the issues other men wanted to secure. Media has always served as public watchdog since the very beginning.

While still having the unsafe terrain for months, Arroyo now declares the go-signal for the housing grants and other benefits purportedly given to the military men.
Now, what is more obvious than this?

Today, Lozada stands still for the statements he made against Arroyo's administration, to ex-Comelec Chair Benjamin Abalos and FG Mike Arroyo -- people's appeal and tremendous supports are now vested to Lozada for his no-fear expose. Lozada is now widely supported by various political groups.

For some, Lozada is a hero. Seemingly, he is the earthly man behind the creepiest nightmare of the Palace.

Noted from Harapan (ABS-CBN2):
Ganito na ba ang lipunang ito? Magsabi ka lang ng totoo, bayani ka na?

Lozada is now described to be at the point of no return, and as he marks another history, Arroyo administration in camouflage can never be assured for its victory this time, against that man who is admitted for becoming an imperfect hero.

Subalit

Sa buong isang linggo, nakapunta ako sa isang sulok ng lipunan, kung saan naramdaman kong maswerte pa rin ang isang tulad ko.

Hindi ko inilapit ang sarili ko sa destinasyong iyon. Maaring sinadya dahil ako lamang sa buong klase namin ang pinakamatagal sa lugar na iyon. Hiningi ng pagkakataon. Nagpabalik-balik ako.

Sa istruktura nito, alam ko na mahirap. Mahirap ang mga tao. Mahirap makapasok. Masikip. Sa paglakad ko sa iilang bulawagan nito, nakita ko ang mukha ng publiko. Kung hindi ka sensitibo sa senaryong iyon, malamang ay hindi mo ito mararamdaman ni mapapansin. Isang gabi rin ang lumipas matapos akong matulog sa kama habang natutulog sila sa kahoy, sa bato, at minsan sa bakal na nilapatan lang malabot na bagay na kakaunti lang talaga ang ikinakapal sa punda ng unan.

At lagi akong maaga sa lugar na iyon, dala ang samples ko para sa tinutukoy nilang karamdaman, kung karamdaman man. Panik-panaog, Kaliwa't kanan ang mga tao, tila may hinahabol na buhay. Sa iisang saglit, nahinto ako sa isang obra, kung saan papalapit sa akin ang isang nanay kasama ang kanyang anak. Nakasakay sa isang de-gulong na upuan habang hawak ng ina ang isang boteng nakabaligtad, konektado sa kanyang sistema. Napatingin ako sandali. At nagkatinginan kami ng paslit. Tanging mata niya lang ang nakikita ko, dahil halos kalahati ng mukaha niya'y nakatikip ng mask. Naninilaw. Hanggang sa paglampas sa aking ng de-gulong kung saan kasakay siya, nakatingin pa rin sa akin, humihingi ng tulong.

Hindi na bago sa akin kung makakakita ako ng matanda sa loob. Ang mas nakapukaw sa kin ay ang mga inosenteng paslit. Mas maaga ang pakikibaka. Sa iisang katawan, nakikipaglaban sa napakaraming suliranin ng lipunan. Sa puntong iyon, alam ko mas matapang sila sa akin, subalit wala akong ibang magagawa kundi mag-alay ng panalangin at ipakita ang siglang magmumula sa akin para sabihing, "Bata, kaya mo yan!".

Sana naglalaro pa sila subalit suko ang katawan nila.
Kung pwede lang sanang maglaro ng tumbang preso, ng piko at ng tagu-taguan.

Sana nag-aaral sila subalit mas importante ang tagpong pinagdaraanan nila.
Ayoko na sanang magmasid subalit habang pinipigilan ko, mas lalo kong nararamdaman ang tindi ng kanilang pangangailangan.
Ayoko sanang maging masyadong emosyonal subalit hindi ko kaya, nauuna kong damhin ang hindi ko naman dapat pang ramdamin. Naririnig ang bulong ng mga paslit.

Sa mga susunod pang araw, malalaman ko na ang resulta.
At alam ko pa ding, pinagpala ako dahil nagagamot ang karamdamang iyon.

Sana natutulungan ko na sila sa subalit hindi pa ako tapos. Sa ngayon, ang pagpapatuloy sa mga kathang nakapaloob sila ay ang iisang tanawing maari ko munang gampanan bilang isang estudyante, mas marami pa sa mga susunod na panahon subalit alam kong ang iba sa kanila ay hindi ko na maabutan, isang masaklap na katotohanang tatanggapin.

Basta,alam kong matutulungan ko sila hindi nga lang ngayon.
Sana lang hindi ako magkasakit katulad ng sakit na meron sila.

Pinagpala pa rin talaga ako.
Alam kong hindi naman kailangan.
Hindi ko lang alam kung kaya kong maging martir.

An Open Letter of a Kid to His Dad*

You may see the real picture of a son having a misunderstanding with his dad. Along the way, the kid still wanted to secure a definite place between their clashing ideas while experiencing unjust words. Because of this, the kid had nothing to do but to write what he felt.

A misunderstood son. A strict father.

A son with unchallenged respect.

A father who just wanted the best for his son.

Temporary shaking relationship.

Burning bridges. And building it again.

By simply looking at this particular piece, you can see how real life happens in an environment full of stress...and how words transform to a powerful weapon.

February 2008

Dear Dad,

What happened last night was one of the scariest things I really don't want to feel. Sorry to say but I am not the same son you were describing last night. It seemed that you don’t know me. And I felt bad about it. So much of my concern.

There’s too much to talk about other than money. And I’m pretty sure that it is not what you are after to, I can better testify to that.
You are a well-loved father --- a father of your son, if you only knew. And it kills him whenever he makes mistakes that will hurt you, just the way he writes this letter. He can’t imagine that he can open his feelings to you no more. It deeply thorns his feeling.

He suppose you’re being presumptuous. He won’t make it to a point where his blessed knowledge will reign over your relationship (to others as well). Otherwise, it will only trounce its aim.

He was really sorry for the action he made though there was really nothing to be sorry for it was not his intention -- it’s more of a misinterpretation. But then, he’s so sorry. He’s just having this feeling of confusion – for he’s at all times, misunderstood. Again, he’s very much willing to change it for his own good.

On that night, I’m not thinking what you are thinking, emotions flowed and there is no way to take back those sharp words thrown, for they were already deeply entrenched. I just can't assess how to mingle with them.

If you wanted to talk to me regarding this matter, as your son, may I just request let’s do it when you’re not drunk. Thank you.

Dad,sorry for everything.

Still,with unchallenged respect,

Your Son

Eskapismo't Pagpapanggap*

Magtago tayo nang magtago. Nilalahat ko ang mga emosyon, iba iba man.

Pagtataksil sa sarili kung kunyaring hindi mo ito pansin.
At alam mong patuloy itong nagaganap.

Hindi masusukat ang galing mong sumulat, ang talino mo, ang pagkatao mo sa pagpapasukob sa pagiging misteryoso. Ang pagiging mahiwaga ng isang tao ay likas na taglay. Hindi napag-aaralan, hindi idinikta.

Sige, pilitin nating sikilin ang damdamin mo sa iisang babasaging pagpapanggap.

Hindi mali. Kaya lang alam mong ‘pag nasobrahan ka, nakakalason.
Hanggang kailan tayo susundan ng aninong alam mong hindi mo kailanman mapagtataguan? Nagtatago ka sa sarili mong anino?

Kailan lang, sigurado ako, hindi mo malaman kung saan huhugutin ang mga salitang bubuo sa diwang alam niya lang ramdamin. Hanggang doon lang. Hindi mo ito maiaalis.

Hinihingi ba ng konsensya mong itakda ang mga nararapat na salita para sa iyo? Kung sinasabi mong hindi mo magamit ang mga salita sa tamang paraan, paano mo naman nasabi?

Napapadama mo ang isang damdaming kabalintunaan pala ng tunay mong layaw. Kabaligtaran sa kung ano ang iyong pinapakita? Hindi na ito pagliliwanag ng kung anong dapat mong maramdaman.

Kasabay nito, aminin man o hindi, napapagod tayo. Mapapagod ka.

Ang pagpapanggap ay isang paglaya sa mundong sawa ka na.

Isang emosyong gusto mo naman sanang maiba.

Isang paraan ng pagsunod sa agos ng mga taong nasa paligid mo.

Darating ang isang punto, sa muling pagluha ng iyong mata,

Makikita mo ang iyong sarili,

Wala nang maikubli. Aminin man o hindi.

Pagod na sa pakikipaglaro sa pagitan ng dalawang mundo.

Napagod na sa pagsusuot ng uniporme para sa ibang ikaw.

Ang tangi kong sagot, pagpapalaya. Paulit-ulit man.

Sa pagpapalaya, makikita mo ang katotohanan, hindi ka na mahihirapan.

Hindi ka na maguguluhan.

Ang hindi ko lang alam, paano ang pagdating niya at kung kailan.

That Unavoidable Circumstance

We are all guilty of the incredible feeling we used to ignore.
Hiding ourselves in the same closet we built
Believing we are safe in every segmented shelf
Yet, not knowing that we’re actually depriving ourselves to truth,
And for every second of the day, we are mystified
Becoming thirsty of attention, love and care…

Afraid or not afraid...
Little by little we are escaping the inescapable reality of life.
And day by day, we will soon realize that the best things in life are gone.
And it takes time before they replenish.
Rest assured for things that are significant, for they shall come back,

You are lucky, finding out that they are not gone…
We are blessed, for escapism is just temporary!
For reality is in itself unavoidable.

Yes, we will be blind for a minute, deft for a day, numb for a week,
Hopeless, challenged, collapsing and weak…
Pretensions reign supreme

But the same escapism will set as free.
Until it brings us to the highest time, when truth shall set as free
And that renewing another life is a tall order,
Revealing what a true you must see.

Escapism is but a usual dose of being a human.
And like other things in life,
Taking too much of it, drives you in a fatal stress.

Soon, you’ll be moving on.
And saying sorry, saying thank you…
Appreciating more…
Living up life again…
Unveiling the real you…
Healing, and working back again, smiling, cheering up…
These are but the sweetest revenges of all time!

Greens are greener.
Colors fall back the way they should be.
Appreciating.
The best things in life can be found around you.
Still.

When Emotions Emote

• Emotions follow the same route as what wheels do. They are cyclical. The process is rarely seen within. Emotions can be viewed in various degrees. Emotion is of course problematic if it is unnecessary.

• The Fear of Seeking Attention. Functional observations for the millennium year have shown that having the dilemma for attention is in one way or the other act of taking rights for oneself. Taking the right to refute the works of the affected; taking the right to see the imperfections of the work (men by nature are fault- finder); taking the rights to development. Finally the most critical, taking the own rights of the affected to have dignity, confidence and a sort of satisfaction for his works – problematic, as one can see his development no more. Catching attention is good only to certain limits not in excessive ones.

• Artistry. Artists were tagged to be the most sensitive of all the sensitive. They are very perceptible to the feelings of public, in which case, other disciplines unconsciously disregard if not totally felt. As I see it, artistry becomes a mode of expressing emotions. And when, emotion interferes, it tends to supersede the rational foundation of humans. Artist is an end in itself. Humans are all guilty having artistry even in simple ways. What makes professional artists different from others is their capability to transfer their emotions in a dramatic, creative and well-fashioned ways.

• Emotions are but products of humans being sensitive. It remains to be a good thing, but take the right measures to separate emotions from rationality. Still, rationality makes us the greatest crafts of God.

• Filipinos embrace the culture of escapism. It is evident in the society through the prevalence of fantaseryes or whatever you want to call it. It is a temporary escape from reality.